shit happens.

2010-06-12T09:45:00.000+08:00

Just do it, no regrets. That's the way ainnit.

AGAIN;

2010-05-01T14:28:00.001+08:00

http://tomdickharris.tumblr.com/

There we go, the end of this blog.

Recently/

2010-05-01T12:12:00.006+08:00

I started this habit of jotting down whatever stuffs that come to my mind, awesome quotes that appear in films, lyrics that make you think, and anything, everything. I think it's pretty fun, but whoknows this might just be another one of those 3minutewarm activities that I engage myself in, and it may just end up in smoke once again. But I'm good for now, really got me going.

Finally caught Shutter Island. No other better word other than mindfuck for the film. Totally captured me for the whole length of the film, albeit being over 2 hours long.

Not forgetting this auntie who freaked me out early in the show.

The film portrayed the erosion of Leonardo's character very, very well. Really got us thinking what was going on, and I haven't been intrigued by a film for a very long time. I thought The Prestige was another good one, though Johansson's appearance might have made me judge on a biased plane.

Yay, catching Iron Man later. Caught Ip Man a few days back, boy it did succeed its predecessor, and in style. Much more action, and the much-lacked humour in the first.

Awesome.

And I have contemplated much about changing over to tumblr. But this blog holds too much memories, too much for me to just give it up.

But at this very moment,

http://risplaysbass.tumblr.com

The Diving Bell & The Butterfly

2010-04-30T20:34:00.004+08:00

Brilliant piece of work, really. Film about a stroke victim, told from his point of view. He can't speak, everything was recorded by the blinking of his eyes at the correct letter the alphabet his speech therapist is reciting over and over again. It helps too that the speech therapist is a gorgeous lady, eye candy of the film :). But then again, it's a really sad film. A guy living such an awesome life, from an editor of Elle magazine, everything falling apart overnight after he developed stroke. Really got me thinking, if this were to happen to me or any of my close friends one day. Not that I'm being foul-mouthed, but the thoughts of such scenarios happening, really, really gets me teary-eyed.

Click to enlarge, really it's one of the sad sad conversations the two of them have.

I definitely am right about the eye candy part,

And it's quite funny how he's complaining it's unfair, a woman working her tongue in front of him but he can't do anything.

Thoughts running through my head, like a McFlurry.

2010-04-30T18:49:00.003+08:00

Lots of thoughts right now, tis' is gonna be a long post.

I'm an unconventional introvert. I'm introverted by nature, really. I'm shy around new people. I can't strike up a fresh conversation. I'm a listener more than a talker cus I believe we evolved (no religion whatnot here) to have 2 ears on our sides of our heads for a reason, and not 2 mouths. I enjoy solitude. I like to do me-stuffs. I enjoy walking alone, long quiet walks with my head drowned in any form of music, classical to jazz, metal to mandopop. I enjoy staying home on weekends, actually.

But some people feel otherwise. They think I'm this crazy cursing muthafucker. They think I'm an extrovert. They think that I don't think. Well, if I appear this way to you, congratulations, 'cus you're inducted into Harris' hall of fame. You're now a close friend to me now. You're grouped under 'small bunch of friends an introvert likes hanging out with'. Good for you.

I don't like to do things I'm not good at. I'm egoistic. I don't play basketball cus I suck at it. I don't play games when people are looking. I seek to impress. I don't play my bass in front of people cus I think I'm not good enough. I don't run with people cus I'm afraid they'll talk about my pacing, my speed, my breathing. I'm that weird a person.

And there's a difference between narcissism and high self-esteem. Reading a book, The Ego Boom, and it analyses this fact very well. How the advertising sector is making use of this point, and marketing stuffs to you to make you feel good about yourself.

Talking about the advertising sector. It's one of those places where I would like to go venture in. Hmm just a thought, attempting to make it a reality.

I've always wanted to travel the world with a camera. This has been the longest aspirations I've ever had. But,

1) I first, need a camera.

2) I need the time+money to do so. Okay, I may get a job that allows me to travel and travel. That's where my idea as a freelance journalist/writer came from, but also. The money factor is huge.

Oh man, so much for getting away and roaming the world. May my dreams come true one day.

Liverpool lost to Atletico last night. It really evoked strong emotions in me. The fact that I was almost on the verge of bursting into tears after I heard the results, and a friend next to me commented "You got bet soccer one meh? Never bet soccer you watch until like that for what", it almost made me kill him on the spot. Like seriously. Don't you understand, I've been watching and rooting for this team for almost 10 years. It's grown onto me. I refer to Liverpool as a We, not Them. I've seen Gerrard grow from a kid, to an influential Captain. I've seen players come and go. I've seen managers change. I've seen the gloriest moments of comebacks for cup wins. I've seen them throttle heavyweight teams. It's really affecting. Don't you dare mention anything like this ever again.

I miss life.

Awkward.

2010-04-24T17:25:00.002+08:00

Me and my dad don't talk much. It has been this way since I was little. Or at least since I could remember. We sometimes don't even acknowledge each other when we walk past each other on the streets, or even as absurd as when we share the same lift. I know, I'm not proud of this fact but seriously, sometimes the air around us just spells A-W-K-W-A-R-D.

A typical conversation between my mom and I would be like:

Mom "Eh what you want to eat for lunch"

Me "Anything la hor"

"What anything? Think what you want leh. Rice or noodles? Chicken or Duck? Western? Japanese?"

"Hmm, noodles not filling leh. Then the downstairs japanese food so cui. Aiya don't know lah"

....

(Goes on forever)

However, between my dad and I;

Dad "Eat what?"
Me "Anything can"

"What anything?"

(To save myself the awkwardness) "Chicken rice"

And I end up eating chicken rice everytime he asks that question. And when he realises it too,

"Chicken rice again?"

"Okay hor fun."

Sigh. I tried even saying "Dad I'm home" but seriously I can't bring myself to say it. It's not that I don't love him or that I don't like his existence, but seriously it's damn paiseh. Especially if it hasn't been a practice for 20 years. When we talk our eyes just dart all over the place, the floor, the ceilings, our fingernails, but just not at each other.

Yeh, really random post. Cus my dad just asked me what I wanted for dinner.

There goes the fear again,

2010-04-24T13:37:00.002+08:00

You turned around and life passed you, again.

That was some, closure I pulled out haven't I. Such a wonderful closure that now, I can't even gather the courage to talk to you or sth. Or perhaps, I can't even talk to you now. Sucks, I have so much to say to you but I can't. So much I want to tell you. I'll just leave em all for myself.

Redundant, I would say

2010-04-22T13:43:00.003+08:00

The only person/company/people who mails me is the National Library Board. Always, always when I borrow a book, I never seem to finish it. I get past the initial introductions, the build-up and all, but I wouldn't ever reach the climax or the twist. Blame it on reading fatigue, I would say. Too short a concentration span?

Then I'll get fined, like a punishment for reading the book too slowly. Sometimes I'll just picture this old, fat lady holding a cane screaming "There, there, now you owe me $0.60 cus you couldn't finish the book on time! Let's see if this would happen again with your next book!"

And it always happens. I always end up paying over $5 for each book. I'd be better off buying some 2nd handed books from Bras Basah, at least they're 2nd handed. Library books are well, 3492934th handed. Right, it's seriously just my own fault that I take really long to finish a book, if I ever manage to, but can't blame me alright.

I tried doing some self-studying on Spanish. Being the cheapskate that I am, I borrowed the books from the library instead of just forking out a small sum to purchase one of 'em books. So within 4 weeks, all I could manage was just pronunciation of a couple of consonants and vowels and like say, 10 words? My cheapskate alter-ego then returned the books, waited for the librarypeople (or librarians. I hate that word reasons unknown) to sort em out, put em back on the shelves, and borrow it again a few days later. Apparently this didn't work out that well la hor, and eventually I put my español lessons on an indefinite hiatus.

I always have a number of books on hand that I would want to read, but I've never wanted to start on any one of them simply cus I know I wouldn't be able to finish any one, and that would seriously spoil the books. Spoil as in, 破坏形象. My angmoh cui, cannot think of a word to sub that.

-----------------

Read through my blogposts all the way from 06 till today's. I've changed a lot, I dare say. I was this fucking whiner who used to whine all day long about homework, not having enough time and money. (after typing this out, I realised I still am. it has been a poor 4 years. poor thing harris.)

But I have changed alot la hor. Some posts made me laugh, some made me go sad all over again. Some simply, (serious) made me point a big middle finger at myself. The stupid things I used to do, say, and all. Some things just don't change, but seriously some of these needs to change ASAP.

It's nice having an avenue to deposit memories, be it a blog, diary, or in some cases a box full of random stuffs from the past (don't know if people actually do this. But it's a cliche in tv dramas ainnit?) for us to look back. We may have forgotten all these stuffs, but in these places, memories don't get erased. Unless there's a datawipe off blogspot/wordpress/livejournal but whatever la, I think I spoke too much.

And to think back, that was the stupidest 1month spent.

Made me broke,

made me mindfucked,

made me a fool.

I'm on a week's MC this whole week, thus the free time. Hurt my foot, and in exchange I got this long break. Naise. But seriously, it hurt.

I really am such a sucker for romantic films

2010-04-19T21:22:00.002+08:00

Just caught Lost in Translation. Awesome film with brilliant acting by Johansson. Yah, the fact that my wife acted in the film played a part, but seriously, it was brilliant acting. She was only 18 then!

Sad romantic films are always a tearjerker for me, though the tears don't really flow out (?)

(500) days of summer, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, and now lost in translation. Sad, sad films really.

I hate it always when romantic films end up happy. Like seriously, sad stuffs occur more than happy stuffs. How many more couples break up as compared to couples who are on the verge of seperating, but cus of some random event they can get married within a day, by running to the altar on foot or something. These sad films really show what's real.

SPOILER

Like in 500 days of summer, after a 500 day long relationship, they break up. Shows the harsh reality, that no matter how sweet and lovinglydovey you can get at first, all may not end well. Zooey told the guy who was a fool for love and marriage that she isn't a marriage or commitment kind of girl, and they agreed to go out on a relationship with no strings attached, no deep feelings for each other. After they broke up, she went on to get married with a guy she barely dated for long, simply cus 'he is the one'. Sucks to be him, really, being such a fool for her and thats what bitchslapped him in his face at the end of it.

Similarly in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, after a quarrel they went to erase their memories of each other (sounds lame but its a really nice movie). And during the process when they realise that they in fact want to keep the memories, it's too late for them to reverse the process. They wake up the next morning with no recollection whatsoever of each other, of how they had been such a loving couple just the night before. Tearjerker, yes.

I can go on and on and really, noone would want to listen. But this is me la hor, I like to talk and discuss about movies on and on.

I'm also one of them, a fool for love.

Here I am again

2010-04-19T00:29:00.001+08:00

Drawn back to this place. Left it many years back, takin away only memories, not even left a footprint. Never did I expect myself to be attracted by the very same place again.

I love this place stil, the ambience and how it makes me feel all happy and calm. The place may have changed a little, but I certainly hope they still welcome me back to this place.

I think I've fallen for this place all over again.

It's normal, no?

2010-04-18T20:36:00.001+08:00

I like to see celebrities on te red carpet. I like to see em all pretty and suave. That's right, not just gorgeous blonde bombshells and tanned sexy brunettes. Guys included.

Even star awards, I'm a sucker for well dressed celebrities in their gowns and suits. Talking about suits, I've always wanted to don a smart suit, go to an atas cocktail reception. That's actually what I'm aiming for in life, living an atas life.

自卑,

2010-04-15T22:01:00.001+08:00

Sounds better than 'to feel inferior', but that's how I feel sometimes yknow. When I see how people can work so hard just for their goals, sacrificing so much precious time, it just makes me feel this way, cnt help it.

I lose track of my targets and goals easily, and I'm not one with realistic selftargets to begin with. I start off all enthusiastic and all, and just run out of steam like *snap*.

I've been talking about saving money and all the bull, but I'm not taking any initiative nor doing anything to chnge my current lifestyle. I still initiate suppers, sit around and not look for weekend jobs, not starting a saving plan. I see my friends, some of them even willin to take up 2 or 3 jobs, just to fulfill this very same aim as like mine. 自卑, yes.

All the talk about losing weight and getting back in shape, hah. Okay, I've been running quite often and steadily now, but as often as I am still having those late night suppers and overconsuming my meals. Blahblah i'm fatris now.

I admit the following:

2010-04-09T18:32:00.001+08:00

I've always admired happy couples. Loving couples. Random couples just walking hand-in-hand down the street. My favourite kind of movies are those romance comedies, or simply romance dramas. I'm a fool for love. So foolish sometimes I just mess things up. Big time.

I'm shy around new people, people I've never talked to. I'm shy-er around attractive people, not just girls. Inferiority complex. I stammer. I can't maintain eye contact. I talk rubbish.

Most of my jokes are recycled ones. Sometimes even when I quote from my friends, they're not even first-handed jokes. I quote from sitcoms. Movies. Books. People. And sometimes I make em such that they had as if happened to me. But that kind of shit brings about laughter, so who gives a shit.

I suck at maintaining a good boy-girl friendship. I've tries to hit on/fell in love with/had a crush on almost every single girl I've known in my life so far. And most of these friendships screwed up and I've never talked to them ever again. I suck at this.

I'm an attention seeker. I sometimes interrupt convos with one liners or random observations to make sure my prescence is still felt. I can't help it.

I am disgustingly selfcentred. I am a 'me' person. I read up peoples blogs and when a person is vaguely mentioned or referred to I think that it would somewhat involve me.

I am incredibly impatient. When people don't get certain stuffs or understand em, I'll be thinking whattheheck is wrong with you. It's so bloody simple and you can't get it? No I'm not gonna explain to you, you try to get it yourself, your dumbass brain needs some exercising. Okay I'm getting too carried over.

This is what too much free time does to you. Quiet moments and reflections. 100% genuinity and honesty.

To safely quote,

2010-04-04T17:23:00.002+08:00

Friends like this, all that I ask for ♥

Even a random screwed up trip to Sentosa can turn out so lovely and eventful. Simply cus we're this bunch of retarded friends, and it's fun hanging around no matter where. We just have our kind of random fun, don't we.

And there's this urge, legend says it comes when you're around 1 year into serving the nation. This random feeling to just ORD asap. It's past that 1 year mark that you realise:

1) You've had enough of 1 year of occupiedweekdays and limitedweekends crap.

2) It's only 1 more year to go, and you can reeealy feel it now.

3) Then you realise you're only halfway through, and you're sick of this shit.

4) But you think of it another way, you;re ALREADY halfway through, so you're close to it now! Then you start thinking about how it would be like 1 year later, and the urge resets all over again.

---

Thinking about future again. I think I've not yet come to a realization that this is going to be MY future and I can't reset it.

There's always this comewhatmay or whenthetimecomes bullshit that shrouds me and it sucks la, seriously. Kok told me in my face that a Major in communications is gonna be bullshit and this questioned my passion. So easily shaken, what sort of a 'i-like-to-do' kinda thing is that. Arguments about how the top communications students in poly are making their way to FASS or NTU comms to continue their streaks, and about how this career just winds up as pathetic as a 9-to-5 job and all. Sigh.

Again, we'll see what happens, come what may. When life gives you lemons, you deep-fry fish fillets and strips of potatoes to make a nice plate of fish 'n chips. Okay that had no relation to the previous sentence whatsoever.

I want to live in big big house drive big big car.

It's nice to know,

2010-03-27T08:59:00.004+08:00

that some friendships are still well intact after so many years. :]

I'm glad I have friends like these.

Life is good.

And I keep rethinking about my future again and again. In an idealistic world, I'll get a Degree in Comms, go for journalism, be a freelance journalist and just lead the life and the job I've always wanted to do.

But in this realistic world, I'm just gonna end up jobless, assignment-less, and poor.

Ambition vs. Realism.

God I hate these self-discussions

2010-03-21T00:57:00.001+08:00

Adidas, Impossible is Nothing.

Liverpool has to change to Nike ASAP.

will you be my buddy?

2010-03-13T19:09:00.002+08:00

I miss old friends.

I miss how I used to be this close to some people.

I miss how we used to hang out and all.

I miss how we used to be able to talk all day long.

I killed every one of these friendships, making it awkward for me to return to how it was before.

But now I'm trying to make a difference to every single of of 'em.

Allow me to do so, please.

Enough of the negativity!

2010-03-11T08:44:00.002+08:00

Time spend with zbg has always been awesome. It's just this mess of brainless stuffs and exchanges going on between everybody.

ww and her random brainless laughters and giggles

steffi and her random brainless well, urm, stuffs she does that make us laugh

aline and her random brainless app-frenzy and extreme jokes

nyo and his random brainless one-liners

mao and his random brainless sarcasm

weisong and his random brainless blurness and chuckles

kengguan and him simply being random and brainless,

sing K, mahjong, rollerblading, lunchesdinnerssuppers. It has always been awesomezxzxz. \m/

I'm not your regular, everyday, normal guy.

2010-03-07T00:44:00.002+08:00

I haven't watched any of the Matrix films,

I haven't watched any of the LOTR films,

I don't feel like watching avatar,

I haven't caught Transformers 1 and 2, (all fast-forwarded to megan fox)

I haven't watched any of the Harry Potter movies except for the first one,

I haven't watched Spiderman 1 and 3.

or any other mainstream movie.

I play the bass, an instrument which people barely know exist,

I listen to indie music more than mainstream,

I do odd stuffs.

I don't like going to parties,

I don't like to go clubs,

I don't like big crowds.

I eat weird stuffs,

I read weird books,

I wear weird clothes.

I'm just another one of 'em boring guys.

Marching towards another new beginning

2010-03-04T23:46:00.003+08:00

March 2010.

2 months past already in this new year supposed to be my turning point in my life. self-quotes from new year resolution, laughs'

I'm still lazy as ever. Still all fcuked up. Worse than last year. I got 10 months to correct that now.

Weather was fucking hot for the past few weeks. Literally woke up in puddles around me, disgusting much I know but wtfwah. Hate.

I miss alot of people suddenly. I want to do meet ups with random people who've come and gone in and out of my life. My mom said thats something associated with growing old, as in really really old. But wtheck man, I erally miss alot of my friends, close or not.

may not sound like it,

2010-02-26T19:53:00.003+08:00

but the few simple texts between us made me bar myself from smoking. before i take a puff, ill rmb what you said and all. thanks really. i guess thats what friends are for. being there for each other and guiding each other onto the right paths.

and i guess im settling here. no more reaching for clouds, or even jumping. ill just be glad whenever the clouds lie low and just brushing past my face. i wont try to grab em or keep em. in case ill miss the feeling when the clouds aint lying low next time.

lousy analogy but you get it.

booyah friday duty saturday confinement. and i lied to my mom about this aint being a confinement but i had to stay back and do smth, and ill get an off in return.

srsly im messed up.

booking on on sunday morning and booking in the same night.

12 consecutive nights in camp, i counted. holy fuckshit.

That's it?

2010-02-22T07:57:00.002+08:00

Okay I'm done with the self-harm and heavy lungs. That's it.

And I'm not gonna give a fuck about you ever again. That's it.

I'm gonna start studying for my SATs. That's it.

How I Met Your Mother 5 seasons, 103 episodes, That's it?

Big Bang Theory 3 seasons, 55 episodes more. Talking about a lack of dramas to watch. That's it!

It's only monday and I feel like booking out. That's it.

And I think I'm still gonna give a fuck about you. That's not it.

There's just too many things coming all at once

2010-02-19T22:25:00.001+08:00

Ambitions. I lacked em since young. I never knew what I was gonna do. I mean, I always have those fantasies that don't last long.

Cartoon animator.
Architect.
Entrepreneur.
Pilot.
Architect again.
Web designer.

Now it's with journalism/photojournalism.
Not sure if this is gonna be another one o those shortlived fantasies again. And I can't risk it anymore. I'm 20 already. Picking my path already.

Now I'm enrolled into nus fass. Reapplication window opening soon already, don't know if I'm gonna change my application or stay with it. I may regret. Doing either one, noone knows.

And this is just one of the problems bugging me. Now, please understand and don't blame if I start smoking. It's just one of em rough patches in life.

And I suck at this cat and ball game. I'm just like tossing the whole ball of yarn to you all the time. Oh well, not something new ainnit. Happens all the time. I've gotten used to this shit anyway.

And family problems piling up as well. Mom admitted she's tired of working 362 days a year 24/7 and earning not even 2k a month. Mentioned smth about wanting me to start working and enter the society asap so that I can start providing and she can finally retire.
Granddad's condition not in the very best, now I may not seem like I care much, but I do in fact. I may not really like him, but what I'm worried about is how Ahma will react, how my mom and aunts will react. How ahma will live all alone in that flat of hers. Ah unimaginable. We'll just wait till the time comes.

All these and now facing the risk of getting hooked in cigarettes. Now everytime I walk past a mama shop or 7-11 I have this internal struggle with myself whether or not to part with that $10 to harm my own body for that few minutes of feel-good relaxation. Now I understand what they mean by getting hooked on smoking. I thought I was strong-enough. I thought i could control. Damn.

All these and a lot more personal problems. I need a stick. Now. Please understand and forgive

you just made me break my sacred self-promised pact

2010-02-18T16:39:00.002+08:00

purchasing my own pack of cigs. [threw it away after 2 sticks anyway, still regretting]

fine witht he ocassional random puffs from other peoples sticks and all, but i was just feeling miserable and all i went to take an mc, didnt want to book in, walking around with all my book-in stuffs and well, smoked cigs with money from mah own pocket.

but i guess it was just one of em angsty days. woke up today feeling totally fine, [and yah, all the fake fever tweets were just there for my sis to see] and boy am i feeling all guilty about faking a fever.

step 1 eat toothpaste

step 2 develop sore throat + fever in 30mins

step 3 mc

what i didnt expect

step 4 mom worries

step 5 she woke up at 4+ to cook porridge for me before leaving for work at 5.30

step 6 mom calls me to ask if im fine despite being busy at work

yah i deserve to burn in hell.

i know this shit is safe cus you dont ever read this.

2010-02-17T18:59:00.005+08:00

seriously, this bittersweetness is killing me. one moment youre happy to be around me and the next you can just turn stonecold. like wtf seriously.

when i wasnt around you kept asking when i would be back and all, like theres this feeling of longing somewhere in there. when im back, what. no nothing. you waiting for me to make the first move? sometimes i feel that way. sometimes it pays off, but sometimes it just makes me look like a jerk who keeps wanting to hang out with ye cus ure hot. i dont understand this fuckshit.

seriously i dont know why im so affected and all but. iwas starting to dilute those impressions i used to have of you, but now its like youre telling me to do otherwise.

and i dont like how im always doing considerations before i speak, a habit i need to get rid of. i think so much, i get oversensitive, i regret shit that ive done. i need to get over this immaturish shit and just learn to be myself.

i have no idea where this is headed. and i dont wanna know. go with the flow perhaps, with the flow.

hot and cold, bitter and sweet.

but i have to admit, i enjoy spending time with you and i hope its the same for you too.

/angstiest post ever.

Bore

2010-02-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging much.

Highlights:

goddamnit MUSE. AWESOMEST SHIT AND BEST SHOW IVE EVER BEEN TO.

okay sums up the past month.

Say,

2010-01-23T19:59:00.003+08:00

I wish I have 3 days of rest every week.

1 day spent with friends,

1 day spent with my family,

and 1 day just spent all alone at home.

Just before reaching home ytd, cf asked if I could meet her to pass her my GC. So yah, went out, asking kg out on the way also see if he free for supper.

It's been some time since we sat down and talked like that. It's nice, it's a feeling i forgot already.

And not to forget I spent almost 4 hours talking to kg at macs, it was kinda fun.

hm. HTHTs ftw?

Life's a bitch.

2010-01-16T15:17:00.001+08:00

People say NSFs are able to save up quite an impressive sum of money within 2 years. I nv understood why. Convinced myself it's a myth, and whatever shitnot.

But it just hit me that I'm earning 300++++ a month. I spend 300+++ a month. I save a meager amount of money each month.

Sergeants earn 800+ a month. At this rate they can save about 400 a month.

Officers earn 1100+ a month. They save much more.

Life sucks. Okay I accept the fact that you pay the officers for their heavy responsibilities and their hard work.
Sergeants for their responsibilities.

How about men? At least pay us abit more for our 辛苦. Our 痛苦.

Time and money is all I need

2010-01-16T15:09:00.001+08:00

They say with time you can make money.
With money you can save alot of time.

Life would be better if we didn't have to trade any of the two of the other, wouldn't it.

No money go taiwan, no money for lappy. No money learn driving, no money for a Fender.

No time learn Spanish, no time practice bass. No time learn guitar, no time go work.

Ironic, I spend most of my time whining and doing nothing. In fact I spend most of my time on transportation. So much that it sucks lol.

Lousy time management skilzzxzxz.

And dammit I'm 20 already. Lots of stuffs I haven't done,haven't tried. Just imagine, one quarter (or even less) of your life is over already. Only left with another three quarters. Not much time left my friends. Not. Much.

Consonance/Dissonance

2010-01-14T02:02:00.001+08:00

Realized my previous angsty post couldve gotten myself into trouble.

Got a halfday off for free, had some free canteen treats, chance of promoting to LCP within 2 weeks time, that's sweet.

Busy week, almot signed extra, witnessed some big screwup, still working with a ballsucking hypocrite, now that's bitter.

Bittersweet symphony, this life.

I came to realise that the friends I made not too long ago still rmb me and don't look at me in a different light like some of em do. It makes me glad :]

Realised the last 5 posts were all made outside of home. Technology is amazing. May god bless us all.

Quiet times

2010-01-09T22:43:00.001+08:00

Spent the last 20 out of 36 hours with my bass. Haven't had so much time on my hands since godknowswhen. Maybe cus mao not in Singapore? Maybe cus everyone else is busy. Whatever. It's nice having so much time on my hands. And I'm glad I spent it correctly and not on some lameshit dota.

I need more motivation in whatever I do. Be it keeping to a disciplined running schedule, playing and improving on my bass, or even something as simple as doing my stuffs properly.

I've made it a point to learn something new every year. Last year was the bass. I haven't really thought about this year;
A new sport? A new instrument? A new language? How about all three ha.

Here I am walking and typing. Makes this walk much more interesting. As much as it makes it more dangerous and me more hazardous.

On the go

2010-01-05T19:32:00.001+08:00

Nights out again. My encik still in a good mood. His kid, Clevon kinda came at the right time. Good mood and all.

I'm having these irritating on-off depression pangs, like hunger pangs like that. It's horrible feeling downdowndown for no apparent reason. May just do some stupid stuffs and regret only after I come 'sober'.

But anyway it sux eh, start of the year. Even my sir say, new year over alr, cannot slack as much alr.

Had my first run in almost 5 months. Good good feeling, just that after the 4km run, forgot to do stretching cus some lame muay Thai movie I was streaming whole day long was done streaming, so I chionged to watch. Now my thighs calves groin area ankles and whatever muscle involved's aching. Even walking with a slight limp now LOL. Dammit

Haven't played my bass in a long while.

Anyway talking about bass, I told a friend I named my bass after her. And she told me she named a dog after me. I'm having my doubts but I'm supposing so is she. Hahaha funniest crapshit ever.

(All these typed while waiting for mao and Aline at marina so it's like chunks of random shitnot.)

Marina. Marina. Ive been here countless times alredy these few weeks, so have I been at plaza sing. Hahaha

Sitting in starbucks without ordering anything. I feel damn loserish. Spent almost a thousand in the past month. Thankful payday's coming soon. Haha.

And I needto start doing things to help myself. Nth is gonna work out if I just sit here every month, and earn just four hundred measly bucks, spending away like most of em and saving like less than a hundred each time.

Ah, 3 Korean girls just sat at the table opposite. How come every Korean in dramas look like woohwah. And all the Koreans I see all look so pale and frail. The ugly truth.

2010-01-03T19:47:00.003+08:00

Btw, linked back to my 2008 New Year's eve post. Shocked, ZBG not even inside here. hahaha. 2009 was amazing, like what mentioned at the end of the below post. Happy new year once again.

2008 was a good year. With lots of surprises.this last day of 2008, I would like to say

Thanks to many many people for making this year as memorable as every other year.

To my family who has been with me for the past 18 years.

The 8 cousins who meet up almost every other week.

The 4of us. Been a long while now. 6 years

And kok for the occasional random meetups.

308, who has been such a wonderful class for the past 2 years.

And Jaryl,

Who lent me this sexy bass of his.

Of course not forgetting us, play LAN, eat buffet,

Jona, BFF LOL >:D

Lippy, for spending like 3months with me at Kallang mac.

Phaykey, for really entertaining convos.
Zhongmou, for all the games that you lent me.
Kengguan, for all the crap and (supposed) gym/swimming.
Yongkeat, for all the songs we share among each other and the (supposed as well) swimming/running
Nyo, though you hasn't really been around in 2008.
Weiwei, for all the laughs.
Melvin, brother for life.

And definitely a whole lot more.
2009 would be better, no?

twentyten

2010-01-03T19:39:00.003+08:00

is when I hit 20. No more ____teen years old. I just realised that's what TEEN years mean. thirTEEN to nineTEEN.

Year started out great, laughs, and all. A couple of resolutions I set for myself, but whether I'll be disciplined enough to stick by 'em, another story.

Realised I stuck with this blog since Mar '07. Don't really feel like reading back whatevr crapshit I posted back then. I miss school. I miss how people are complaining 'wlao school starting soon' And I'm just here waiting for NShit to end.

Whine whine whine, 2010 zoom past please.

Last moments of the year.

2009-12-31T22:32:00.002+08:00

Sitting all alone in an office for almost half a day,

staring at a HP LCD monitor,

typing and clicking away on COMPAQ keyboard and mouse.

Something I'll never get to experience ever again on a New Year's Eve. Ever again.

Got to talk to people I haven't talked to in a goddamned long while,

watched movies that I had missed out ages ago,

joined almost 50 groups in facebook, with another crazy friend joining up to 200.

what a unique way to celebrate the new year.

Sitting here, self-reflecting over the past year.

2009 has been a year for me to learn, to grow, to think about how to improve,

2010 shall be the year to reap the results.

All alone in office, iPod on my iCubic blasting away,

ordering a Mega McSpicy and realising that's the last meal for the day, and then smiling to myself how pathetic this is,

looking at rats climb across the window grills, running about as though conscious that new year's coming.

A-a-amazing way to celebrate the new year. Completely unique and special, yes.

One cannot help but not think that another year has slipped past our fingers quietly, pensively, and seriously, regrettably. But this happens every year doesn't it.

And another amazing quote/

Revenge is a dish best served cold; Revenge is sweet.

-> Revenge is icecream.

/applause.

Twothousandandnine.

2009-12-29T15:00:00.003+08:00

was an amazing year. Can't believe so much stuffs happened, so many people (re-)entering my life. So much randomshitnots happening, so much crazy things going around.

Love zbg. A-a-a-mazing group of friends. Like seriously. And can't believe we knew each other for like 5 6 7 years already but only managed to get this close only this year. Batam, CNY visits, and all. Even when I thought that after me and weisong enlisted, our lives would be much different from pre-enlistment, there wasn't much of a _big_ difference. Still zuobo-ing, and all. Even when we thought after the girls start school, we would just drift apart little by little. But nahhh. STILL zuobo-ing. All the laughs I had this year, all the fun, and all the zuobo. It's amazing.

SJAB. We haven't met up since goddamn 39472308470234 days ago. We need a gathering man. It's hard yah, I know.

Kok. Dood you're one hella MIA guy. But it's always cool to meet up with you. Talking about random shitnots, bitching over some random people, and just going crazy watching football matches. Stop being so MIA leh bro. I miss your company.

BMT 'Y' coy. Had a bunch of really fun friends, really cool people here. But ever since after POP and me missing the post-POP gathering, there hasn't been much happening around here. Really hope to meet up with yall soon. Catching up, and all the other random laughs.

30SCE 'A' coy. Was starting to like the people here, making some really good friends along the way. But ohman, not everything goes the way you want it. Now seeing you guys so bonded and all, makes me feel happy for you all. Hang in there and may yall's friendships last forever.

30SCE 'HQ' coy. Didn't like this place at first. Slowly adjusted, even had to change the way I act, talk, speak to get along here. But worked out great, and slowly liking the place and the people here. Still one of the last few to ORD here though. Need to see more newbirds coming in to make me feel better \m/

Ohwowthatissohardcore

2009-12-22T14:06:00.004+08:00

Anyways, to begin this, I just saw the most extreme love quote ever.

you're the kind of guy who could slit my throat,
and with my last breath,
i'd apologize for getting blood on your shirt.

Like woah. Extreme pls.

Long leave shiok ah, but dunno leh, seems like very short only. Everyday dunno doing what, sleep in the morning *after* breakfast, yadahyadah.

Got my iTouch! :D

And this gigantic Liverpool poster, and went down to IKEA to get a gigantic frame to match.

Yah, can't tell how gigantic this is. It's amazing. Amazing how I don't have anywhere to hang it up. LOL

Life is good,

2009-12-18T21:54:00.003+08:00

2009.

Started out real happy,

then it hit rock bottom for me, before raising up to somewhere near the middle,

then hitting rock bottom again, and again, and again.

Still harboring somewhere near the bottom now though.

All these cause of something called Depression.

Noone knew that I got hit by depression, not even my own family members lol.

Got over it, struggled to get through it, and here I am,

still hoping for the best.

2009.

2009-12-11T23:32:00.001+08:00

2009 was bittersweet.

Too early for a year end's resolution, yes.

So I'll save it.

2nd left turn.

2009-12-05T09:57:00.003+08:00

"Hello, can you call this 2nd left turn Gary for me?"

It's adorable when Lieutenant(left-anent) kena pronounce as left turn.

Two night's out this past week. Tuesday was an emo one. Went Dover find Jon. Same old emo HTHT with him. Talked about how people change, but we don't. About emo nights, lonely nights. About John Mayer and his killer guitar wails. About settling down overseas. About a girl named Jessica(?) living down under. About how our music tastes are gradually changing to blues and mainstream emo.

Wednesday was a Daiso shopping trip with our dear Yamapi. Daiso's kinda useful, realised lots of cheapo stuffs there. Like wth, aviators for $2?! Hahaha.

Been an emo week. Medicine-induced depression hitting me night after night. Really damn emo those kind, lol. Better voice it out to my specialist. If not really damn emo do alot of stupid things.

Haven't met up with a gazillion people since gazillion years back.

Selling off my iPod, upgrading to a iTouch (!)

Selling off my old bass and even maybe my amp (!)

All these for.......................

YEAR END KL TRIP. WHACK AH WHACK AH WHACK AH.

Like any other weekend 2 years ago.

2009-11-22T19:31:00.003+08:00

Went overnight LAN with lip and co. LOL hasn't overnighted since like godknows 1 year back or something. Damn sleepy already at around 1am. haha.

Still played till around 9 in the morning (WTF). Took a bus to Lavender to pay money for the grassland shitzx, slept on the trip. Then jitao go home, bathe change, and guess,

we went to mao house to play rawdeal LOL. The much loved shit things that sec 2 students do, spend like over a bomb on some paper cards shit mass printed in some factory god knows where.

Ugh, we still managed to renew our shit interest in the cards itself, and played till the wee hours, took some rest, and continued playing.

Slept like less than 10hours in total this weekend. It's always nice to have a long weekend.

Extra moolah, Extra moolah, Extra moolah, Extra moolah,

swee oh!

Moody moody moo.

2009-11-17T21:59:00.002+08:00

Oh man. No phone no phone no phone.
Boring boring boring.

And I just had the sudden urge to just sit down at any Starbucks, chillax the whole day,
catch up with some friends, just sit there on some random park bench talking about how life has been.

Not able to do those kinda shitz any more I guess. No free whole days, no time, no friends who are so free to waste 93478293precious seconds with a pathetic dork like me :[

Financially burdened cus of my splurging on random stuffs which I regret buying the moment I bought them, splurging cus of my impulsive spendings,
cus of this and that.
this and that.
this and
that.
this
and
that.

shit happened.

2009-11-16T12:46:00.002+08:00

Well, Friday the 13th. Whaddya expect.
Lost my phone while on the way back from my medical apptment. No idea where it went to, but apparently it got switched off already by the time I found out. Damn.

And yesterday, due to some cockup, was supposed to buy a phone from this dude straight before I book in. It didn't happen, and so I'm in camp all lonely and naked without my phone. God.

I think I need a weekend job, but I can't see myself putting down my only fun days of the week for work. Though it's pretty much another chance at making new friends, meeting new people, making that little amount of extra income, it's hard sacrificing whatever more fun/sleep there already is for that. Oppurtunity cost, they say.

Urm, and SITEX is coming up. How'm I supposed to fork out money for my much needed handphone and my much desired itouch. Wants vs Needs.

I knew they were right when they said Economics is in our everyday lives.

Just another one of 'em moments.

2009-11-11T21:05:00.002+08:00

Everyone should have their own quiet moments,
with God or whatever they believe in, or just with their deepest selves.

Been long since I sat down and thought about stuffs. About life so far, life in the future, and whatsoever. Sometimes all these tend to have a more depressive mood, and boy, it just affects you.

But it's good to feel depressed once in a while, ain't it. I dunno, but I like feeling sad sometimes.

This feeling, is so nostalgic. And it ain't a good one. I'm afraid I'll suffer this very same fate that I've barely escaped not long ago. Hmm.

Songs bring about emotions. They evoke the strongest feelings people have deep down in their hearts. And songs like 'Stop Crying Your Heart Out' , 'Bittersweet Symphony' and whatsoever other sorta epic-stadiumy-setting-rock-with-wailing-guitar-solos-and-the-most-emotional-vocal-yells-kinda-songs don't help much when you're depressed. Haunting melancholic melodies that repeat themselves over and over in my head.

Either I have a split personality disorder, or that I'm messed up.

Bye.

A pretty face, but the chase ain't worth the prize.

2009-11-08T11:51:00.004+08:00

Soon-to-be-enlistees, do not be fooled when they say

'Aiya, NSF $400 enough to spend de lah everyday in camp only spend on what sia'

I can't even save $100 of my pay now every month. My bank account hovers around the brink of 4digits. Soon it'll just cut by half cus of some other indulgences.

But to think of it, it's gonna drop to ZERO by the end of this year. Unless 9013489023742 people dress up as Santa and just drown me with enough gifts to keep me happy for a while.

Such a MESSED/FCUKED/SCREWED up day.

2009-11-04T20:01:00.004+08:00

Totally screwed up today (sighs/laughs).

I went out on nights out, wanting to get the November issue of the Rolling Stones. I was on the phone, so I just grabbed a copy of it off the shelves without looking at the cover. Hmm when the cashier told me $19.50, I was shocked why the price increased by 1.5x. I didn't bother much, then went to NTUC to bet on the night's soccer match.

Went there, looked at the odds, decided 4 goals total was a fair enough buy, so i proceeded on to shade the tix. After submitting them the tix, I saw my receipt showing:

Exact Score, Liverpool 4 - 0 Lyon. Odds : $60.00, Payout $1'200.00

I jitao WTF. I actually shaded the wrong box -.-

Just wasted a cool $20. Z. As if Liverpool can beat Lyon 4-0. Ttly impossible even from the most faithful Liverpool fan.

So I reached back to camp, wanting to cool myself down. I sat down, opening up the $19.50 Rolling Stones. Front cover Jonas Brothers, I ew-ed. How come Rolling Stones show Jonas Brothers sia, I thoughtMadonna on the cover this week.

Flipped, still Jonas Brothers. I WTF-ed.

Flipped ALL THE WAY TILL THE END. ALL Jonas Brothers.

I Flipped back to the front cover

"Jonas Brothers. Special Collecter's Issue. LEARN ALL ABOUT THE JOBROS!"

WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF

I don't want no magazine all about the gay brothers. DAMMIT.

ANOTHER COOL $20 WASTED.

ARGH.

Well, at least the Cheese Steak I had from Subway tasted good, and the Cookies were well crisp and soggy enough, just right.

BUT AH. CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED $40 JUST LIKE THAT.

IF ONLY LIVERPOOL CAN BEAT LYON 4-0, AND PLEASE TOTAL GOALS DON'T COME OUT 4. I'LL KILL MYSELF. COULD'VE WON $80.

(The above shows how stressful the environment in NS is. Factual recount #1)

Opening up to the world,

2009-10-24T00:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we are just too, urm, self-centred/ I dunno how to phrase it. But yah, we just stay in our comfort zones, not willing to venture out, not willing to try smth new. Okay maybe i don't mean not as in not. Not really willing.

Not giving others a chance. Label them as smth, and just stereotype. Easy mah, stereotyping. But we haven't even given them enough time to prove to us otherwise that they're not who we think they are. And as a result, we miss out on another chance at making friends with someone who could just be your lifelong friend. We first connect with people whom we are comfortable with, those who share common interests with us (of course). But most of the time it just stops there. Mm. Never go and try to talk to those who are poles apart from you. Okay lah not the norm, but most people. I think I'm one of 'em. I'm a goddamn stereotyper. And that's not good.

Hmm. Correct hor.

Anyways. Got alot of videos is those kind of ghost-pop-out-accompanied-by-screams on fb now. Seems like they made their way to fb alr. My 3rd scare already. And I cried at this 3rd one LOL. Too sleepy + tired eyes + too concentrated. Damn. Malu leh.

Poles apart.

2009-10-23T19:20:00.005+08:00

Sometimes, thinking too much just takes out the fun from everything.

Thinking about how this and that, that and this, what if this, that, this, him, her. Limits our choices and restricts our actions. No idea why but I can't seem to just do what I want to do.

Anyways bought my new bass. Another red one in fact. Bo bian ah, fetish for red basses.

Sounds as awesome as it looks.

Awesome song. Even better to play to. Just makes you sad and all. Even when you're playing out of tune

Love me, love me,

2009-10-17T12:29:00.003+08:00

Pretend that you love me.

Ey, 1 year passed already since last year (..?).

As in. I've always been aware of time, and been noticing that it's actually reaching the end of 2009 already. But when the Facebook photos come up of friends 1 year my junior celebrating their graduation day, and teachers uploading their always-hilarious graduation day videos,

you just stop and think; hmm. 1 year has passed.

In secondary school, you always think back how fun it was in primary school; till you grew attached to your secondary school.

Same goes for every phase, secondary school, JC, and perhaps even NS life.

At least now I'm enjoying my NS life, or so I think I am.

Anyways, a casual conversation in camp with a friend evoked a whole flurry of emotions. He was talking about how much he wanted to leave the country after NS, and settle down in Canada.

I questioned him, ain't there alot to lose if you leave Singapore, a country where all your friends, memories, family are?

'There's alot to lose yes, but there's much more to gain out there. The sky here's too small to do anything dood.'

I've seen and heard and know of many friends who are wanting to settle down overseas, perhaps just working there for a few years, or even migrating there. Come to think about it, it may be an alternative. Mm.

Anyways, I'm determined to bring my bassplaying to a further level already. Not gonna let it just collect dust on the stand.

mm. There's always this group of people in your life. Whom you can talk to once in a while, and yet able to sustain that close-friends-kind-of talk. On the other hand, you can just don't talk to them forever ever again and it doesn't matter as well.

Ooh, are we gonna make it?

2009-10-10T19:36:00.003+08:00

Hah. I'm a 6months soldier now(Not really, but just like 4days later). To think about it, it's kinda fast, but if you actually think about it carefully, it's quite slow, but again, thinking about it in other points of view make it rather fast.

So it's best not to think about it. I'm like an official clerk now, and okay lah, people's been pleased with my performance, people giving me privileges and all, just makes me feel better at least.

And now with things to keep me occupied during the long breaks here and there scattered throughout the day, it's beginning to make life here purposeful also. (Talking as if I just accepted some religion into my life, but nah C; )

My pay keeps on decreasing though, now that I'm a non-combat soldier, it just further decreases. Now I even have to take down my expenditure and make sure the money in mah bank is growing positively. If not after I ORD, shitzxz gonna happen when I got no money for lappy and stuff. And by stuff, they don't come cheap. hah

Thinking of selling my bass and topping up for another one, hah. But hmm. Dunno whether this money spent would be necessary. Argh.

It's only October and I'm already hoping Santa comes pay me a visit

Coincidences,

2009-10-05T00:41:00.003+08:00

coincidences

My grandma's new maid has always been talking about how me and her son look alike. The 1)height, the 2)build, and even about how our 3)raging hormones making their way to our faces.
Today when I was packing up my room(and my mom trying to shift the living room here and there), she came up to help.
She noticed my bass, and she suddenly talked about how her 4)son plays the bass also. My mom then said I always blast my music loud in my room, and how I stick to the computer the whole day, 5)so does her son. At this point she keeps on going on and on about how much I resemble her son, vice versa. As she continues smiling and talking about her son, here comes the epic win.

I share the same name as her son. Harris.

Haha, how many Harris' are there in the world who is (rather) tall and skinny, has some fked up acne problem, plays the bass and is some lifeless computer addict. Hmm. No joke eh, no joke.

Anyways talking about clearing up my room(den/mess/pit/sty), my uncle who's moving house has lots of unwanted furniture, so he's practically giving everything in his house away. I took his desk, which is like 10123403289x bigger than my old one, and 128319481423x nicer. Took one whole day just to rearrange and clean up and stuffs. And I'm having this wild idea of repainting my entire room in time to come, let's say December when I have a long break.

And Liverpool just suffered the 3rd loss of the season.

Like a burning fire,

2009-10-02T20:11:00.006+08:00

I keep fueling my flame with random stuffs. The fire burning, add in some random cotton wool, dry grass, coconut husk, paper, wood, cardboard;
and everything ends up in smoke. Smelly smoke.

I find it hard to concentrate on just one thing. Just one. Here I am, trying to do this and that, this and that,
and sometimes when the plans're all drawn up, they get crumpled and disposed of in a matter of minutes.

By random stuffs I mean;

1) I always wanted to be a journalist, but not really knowing how the job/career/w-ever works, so here I am reading up on it.

2) Sometimes, even the urge to take up photography. But stalling the plans to learn/buy a DXL camera till I'm really loaded, or smth like that. And combine that with 1) we get photojournalism!

3) I always wanted to improve on my bass-playing, and get a MusicMan Stingray. Too, plans of getting a bass worth a few grand stalled till when I'm really loaded, or smth like that. And to finally play at a gig. Hmm.

4) I have this fetish for the Spanish language, so I may try to take out some time to pick up the language, and converse with some hot spanish chicks with blue eyes and brown luscious locks dancing salsa.

5) And also, to pick up the guitar, and also drums.
Goddamit this is. not feasible

Seems like a good way to spend my time, but when I bookout, it's hard(really) to withstand the temptation of the computer I have longed for the past 5 days, so much so that I actually may spend up to 2 whole days at it. Equals next book-in day.

Argh. I always knew I'm good at alot of things, but time-planning and prioritising just ain't one of them(laughs). So here I am, with a long list of stuffs to do, but put aside when I'm home.

Okay how about in camp?
Well. I get people saying and keep picking on me, saying how studious and nerdzxz I am for just reading a book, what say me actually studying something. Hmm. Okay I can just ignore em, since I'm doing what I want. But ohwells. That's low self-esteem for you. People say smth negative about you and you stop doing whatever immediately.

And basically it's just sleeping to recover whatever brainjuices I lost, in place of the sweat and muscle fatigues I've been missing out. Clerks also get their fare share of exercises though, just that it's all in da mind.

Oh wells. My fire's still burning and producing some black smog now. Not productive, not productive. All I need now is something, to at least collect the heat generated, at least garnering some results and some use from the fire burning.

Even fire burning on the dancefloor is more useful than my fire ):

EDIT: I JUST FOUND MY NEW LOVE

I promise to depart, just promise one thing,

2009-09-19T17:05:00.002+08:00

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

Beautiful song with a beautiful prelude lol.

'Cause even when I dream of you,

2009-09-17T19:10:00.003+08:00

The sweetest dream would never do.
I'd still miss you babe.
(And I missed every fucking thing)
I don't understand why it came back.

Ohwells, seems like I've settled for this lowish NS life.
Hahaa at least I've been putting my spare time to use. In fact, I feel glad now that I'm posted here. All this spare time is really proving useful.

To read up on whatever choice I made, and still having enough time to make another decision on University applications;
Reading up on music theory, this time a proper one, so that I can utilise them properly when fondling my wifey;
Picking up Spanish so that I can watch Spanish streaming soccer when I cannot find any English streams(a joke, really);

Anyways, finally get 2230 book-ins and 1730 book-outs. It's pretty jolly, and I have no need to rush home by cab anymore. Uber costly.

And here I am,

2009-09-11T14:36:00.001+08:00

posted officially to 30SCE/HQ, out of Alpha.

Yknow the feeling you get when you spend a good 3 months with this bunch of people,
whom you may think are just a bunch of real suckers at the start,
but slowly realising how cool they really are,
and how they might actually be your future bestest buds,
and how you want to spend more time together with them 'cus you can feel that he's gna be the next person you can call brutha.

And suddenly it all just ends there. You get separated out, all alone, seeing how they are able to continue their journey together as a bunch of bros. While you, are just alone now, having to restart everything, meeting new people,
and trying to develop that feeling all over again.

I hated it when we got separated from my first 3 months class. And now again.

HQ, has its (little bit of)benefits though.

A typical HQ schedule :
0630 Wake-up
0700 Breakfast
0700-0930 Sleep
0930-1130 Office
1130-1330 Lunch + Sleep
1330-1700 Office
1700-0630(next day) SLEEP

Everyone here is NUA.
Okay I get to book out early,
I get lots of free time,
I get lots of privileges now(PSP, charger, iPod, civilian book-in, 1700 book out, 2230 book-ins),
but so what if I'm doing all these alone.

Over at alpha, whenever I see them chiongsua, and afterwards bitching about how their day went, how this this this sergeant kaopeh kaopeh, I get so jealous. and nostalgic. and sad, in fact.

Over here there's no chiongsua, no sergeant, no nothing.
Nothing to talk about.

"and since you got so much time on your hands, and complaining about how you have no friends over here, why not just spend the time making new friends?"

Yeah right, try doing so when >half of the people are stay out due to either some fcked up reason or some chaokeng reason. the other half are some no-lifers who glue their eyes to their PSPs like there's no other meaning to life.
I really do not want to see myself slowly turning into those kind of people in another 17months.
They say NS changes boys to men.
They say you find your bestest buds in NS.
When you're not doing admin stuffs like these.
I see no evidence of that change happening here. In this place. Where no evolution of boys to men are noticed. Where no brotherhood is formed. Where no bunch of men have fun, going through thick and thin together.

Even today went I had an off pass to go out for an appointment.
Whenever my doct asks me whether I want an MC for the day, I would reply no almost immediately.
Why get an MC and risk all the RT shit when it's kinda awesome spending time in camp, talking cock with your bestest buds of the moment?
Like the other day brandon told me;

'whenever i go for an appointment i also would come back rather early. cus its boring all alone outside, and it's cool spending time with you guys anyway. at least i dont feel so empty and lost'

oh wells, I took an MC for today, and I said a YES almost immediately when my doct asked that golden question.
It's totally meaningless in camp nowadays.
Or maybe I just need to adjust. Fast.

Oh fuck. Seriously.

Anberlin

2009-09-06T02:09:00.004+08:00

Guess I missed them.
Thought baybeats was this week instead of last.
ohwells.

I guess nobody knows/

2009-09-05T14:16:00.000+08:00

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
I's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

Like I mentioned,
quiet times alone -> thoughts gushing through mind -> too much thoughts flipping through -> emo.

I'm totally sure shit happens.

2009-09-04T22:37:00.001+08:00

Bookout today wasn't smooth as expected.
During area cleaning I acidentally cut my fingers on the fan. Now all's left working on my left hand is my thumb and little pinky. Just when I told I could come home and play some bass, I can't now. I thought I could come back and play some dota, I can't now. I thought I could come back and shoot some ass in FallOut, I can't now. ):

And I cabbed home alone today, and well done, PIE traffic jam. Took some time to exit from PIE asap, and uncle took a detour to AYE->ECP. He charged me $25 only though, instead of the $32.60 on the meter, saying how it's partially his fault for not turning on the radio and listening to the traffic watch. Very nice uncle I see, and really grateful.

Anyways, another week flew/crawled past like that. Sometimes it's pretty fast, sometimes it's just pretty much at snail's pace. Still not able to find out whether I'm downgraded already, due the countless human/technical errors I've been meeting along this path towards enlightenment. LOL
I don't give a hoot about how people think about me now anyways. I've been given an Excuse prolonged exposure to sunlight status by my specialist, but what I used to do was to stay in the hot sun anyways, and until the sergeant tells me to proceed to she shelter, Ill then (sometimes) move to the shade, most of the time I'll just tell him it's alright and I'll just stay in the sun since everyone else was doing it. Partially it was because I was afraid how people will label me as a chaokeng, even sunlight also wanna avoid.
Now, I've thought through it anyways. I deserve that status, I'm on medication, and it's my own health issue. Why should I care about how people think, how people label me. To hell with those black pots, trying to paint me black.

Suede - Down

2009-08-30T12:13:00.000+08:00

All the people in your life say you're down
And the strangers in the night say you're down
And the loonies on the right say you're down and you're down
And the ambulances sigh that you're down
And the traffic speeding by says you're down
And the people in your life say you're down and you're down
Hey you chase the day away
Hey you draw the blinds and blow your mind away
And there's a sadness in your style
And there's a blankness in your smile
And the people in the park say you're down
And the strangers in the dark say you're down
And the pissheads in the bars say you're down
And the audiences cry that you're down
And the ambulances sigh that you're down
And the boyfriends in your life say
you're down and you're down
Hey you chase the day away
Hey you draw the blinds and blow your mind away
And there's a sadness in your style
And there's a blankness in your smile
Hey you chase the day away
Hey you draw the blinds and blow your mind away
And there's a sadness in your style
And there's a madness in your smile

Look at the stars,

2009-08-30T03:23:00.001+08:00

look how they shine for you.

Seriously, it's been an exciting BPL so far. But the match just now just further confirmed my very own belief,

MANUTD IS DOG LUCKY. VERY VERY DOG LUCKY.

PENALTY, OWN GOAL, WTHECK.
Arsenal not getting the fouls, penalties they deserve, and totally unlucky to get that OFFSIDE on the very very last shot of the game.

Liverpool won though, :D , but very lucky as well.
NOT AS DOGLUCKY AS MANUTD.

Anyways, the sjab outing today was..
indescribable.
4 people only, we went all the way to marina barrage to..
PLAY BRIDGE. for an hour and a half and left.
LOL I thought it would be some woohabinbingbangbang 30+ 40+ people outing. But ohgawd was it pathetic. Mmm.
Anyways celebrated(kindof) kg's bday today. We weren't the main point/present for him anyways, as everyone could see. But I got free Ben&Jerry's so I'll shut up right here. hah.

Then we went over to CHIJMES to watch pool's match, and that OTHER match. and cabbbbed home.

Wee. Book-in timing now change to NINE PM. Got a wee little more time now.

2009-08-29T00:27:00.002+08:00

This's what I call a BEAUTY.
I want it.

Long long times spent in camp. Felt like a very long, exhausting, tiring week. In truth, it was long-er, exhausting-er, tiring-er.

Anyways I concluded. I sign downPES form liao, there's no turning back already lah hor anyway. Accept the fact, get a down pes, get some boring 2 year job but won't affect my condition too much. Just get it over and done with. Not the best of mentalities, but no choice lah hor. lan lan suck thumb.

Been long since I met up with people I haven't met up with in a long time. (Duh sentence) But yah, that's how it is lol.

And the premierleague results is making me depressed. Seriously, seriously.

And I got like a whole long list of movies I want to watch. Up(I haven't watch ):), Bruno (Oh yes.), Final Destination, The Last House On The Left(Please. I want to watch), Hangover, The Proposal!( Sandra Bullock!)

But I got no time.

All in all,

2009-08-23T14:02:00.000+08:00

and I'm loving every rise and fall.

There was one day I spent the whole morning sitting in bunk alone, from like 7am to 2pm, all goddamn alone. Cus I ain't spposed to draw my rifle so I didn't had to go for the IMT shoot.(whatever the reason, not impt).

Like always, when you just sit down there, all alone, thoughts flow through your head. Acty they don't just flow, they fking gush through. So fast, you have to build that mental dam in between to stop and think about whatever just went through just now. And more often than not it's always the depressing and negative thoughts that get the bigger chunks of attention.
After some time, you would just say okay, this is it, (insert problem and solution here), and think that okay, this would definitely work out, and everything would turn out better.
But hah, ohwell, past experience has shown that in that semi-depressed state, one's body, mind and soul are 3 different embodiments and our decisions are more often than not totally cui lol.
and I realised that fact again now.

Anyways, it's pretty much depressing that I would not be able to continue chiongsua with this platoon/company. Ironic ain't it, when I was just complaining about the opposite 2months back when I first posted here.
People always talk about it as the once in a lifetime experience,
Close friendships would be formed,
Just when I finally get enlightened by this platoonmate of mine,
about how we're posted here and there's nothing we can do about it but do our best,
every day talkcock and just make each other laugh, make it a better place to be in,
nullify the suffering during training by telling yourself it's gonna make you harderbetterfasterstronger.
But awman physical limitations' preventing me from achieving all these.
I doubt I'm gonna achieve anything as some clerk rofls.
And no army stories to tell my children next time.
And definitely no sense of achievement at the end of 2 years.

I guess I'm turning elsewhere to look for satisfaction then.

the above just illustrates how fast thoughts gush through one's mind. soon after i'll realise what i typed it all crap, and press the Edit Post button and delete most of the shit here.

Only have 12 hours of bookout today. Even the most optimistic person would still feel a tad frustrated and pissed at this, I'm sure.

Demolitions live firing tomorrow, excited about blowing shit up.

I could have lied, I'm such a fool

2009-08-16T12:12:00.000+08:00

My eyes could never never never keep their cool.

I am one weak bastard,
both mentally and physically.
And if nothing changes, I'm just gonna be the same old fcked up harris.
Buckup little prick.

Booking in today, booking out next Sunday morning, and returning back to camp that same Sunday evening.
Sucks.

Some people ask me wtf I chose the bass, over the guitar.
'Guitar is so much cooler what'
'Guitar can hit on girls ma, strum acoustic under the stars'
'Guitar can have crazy assfrolicking solos, bass go dangdangdang only'
Most of the time I just ignore them. Ignorant brats lol.

Ohwells,

Why do you look when you've already found it?

2009-08-15T03:40:00.001+08:00

What did you find that could leave you walking by?

Just when one looks back and keeps prodding over how immature he was in the past and regretting his mistakes,
he has absolutely no idea how immature he is too, by fretting over the past.
Life sucks, just move along.

Meetups finally. Realised haven't seen wei or cf for >a month now. KG too, but he's still missing. Meet up soon or I'll most probably forget about your existence.

Today marks my 4th month in army!
How fast(not).
18 more months to go. LOL

What do you see?

2009-08-10T16:12:00.001+08:00

tired people, flattened boxes, sugar butter rolls, bread, red ndp tshirts, naggy aunties, camera flashes, containers, tables and benches, metal detectors, mercedes benz, chevies, crabs, mp rps, water points, green saf bottles, penknives, halls breezers, khong guan biscuits, biscuit wrappings, barricades, shagged out mind body soul.

Sums up NDP. NDP phase's over now. CEC starting soon. And as defined by my platoon sgt,

During training, there will be NO free time, NO welfare, and LOTS of physical training

God save us.

I know you cut me loose in contradiction, I know I'm all wrapped up in sweet attrition

2009-08-02T13:26:00.002+08:00

7days AttendC over just like that, ohman. But nothing much to complain about either, since I couldn't leave my house. Totally pasted my face on the monitor screen over 7 days, be it fb, playing some lame streetfighter, or skyping with liptat 24/7.
But seriously, 7days is rather fast when spent as a damned CIVILIAN

-nyo says (1:30 PM):
*so fast? i tot 7 days
harris. says (1:30 PM):
*7days is over bitach
-nyo says (1:30 PM):
*LOL
harris. says (1:30 PM):
*biatch
-nyo says (1:30 PM):
*thats f-ing fast.
harris. says (1:30 PM):
*yep
*totally different when im inside

Recently I've been dreaming alot. Good, bad, lame, funny. But all like same theme leh. How.
Sucks to be me,

It's August,

2009-08-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

July went by rather quickly, no idea why lols. Every year, July gives the vaguest impressions, the least activities, and all. July seems pretty much redundant though, haha.

Still on AttC, still bored, still doing nothing much;
still surfing youtube,
still playing my bass,
still playing with lip from morning till morning, and morning, and morning.

There's really nothing much I can do at home, really

2009-07-30T16:54:00.004+08:00

Unrivaled patriotism.

My desktop looks like that of a LAN shop computer now. Too bored, nothing to do lol keep getting new games -.-

That's totally how my stress ball looks like, if you're curious. :D
Cutest thing ever,

2009-07-29T20:48:00.001+08:00

Interesting short hah.

An alternative view of NS, and pretty much enjoyable lol. The lingo, actions, cites. Haha.

No idea how to spend my time at home everyday though.
Been with my wife for more than half the day today already. Been all around youtube listening to everything from smooth jazz to death metal. Been watching shorts by Singaporeans, Germans, French, and basically the whole of the UN.
Haters hate me, but I'm starting to feel bored on attendC. HAHA. :(

Any ideas how to improve finger strength. I need to work on my pinky lols. Been trying everything from squeezing stress balls to 'resitance-training-for-pinkies' and neither seems to be working well.

Anyway the dust may just blow away,

2009-07-28T18:00:00.000+08:00

if you wait for a windy day.

I'm so naive,

2009-07-27T08:30:00.003+08:00

yet so.

7day MC. They asked me to report sick lol. Hahahhaha. Relax ar. Stay at home relac relac.

Liverpool 5 - 0 Singapore.
:D

EDIT:
sickman day1
breakfast-plain bread
lunch-rice with light dishes
dinner-rice with lighter dishes.

sucks to be sick. my mom insists on me eating sickpeoplefood.
fiddled with the bass today and tried playing acoustic POP songs on the bass today. HAHAHA.

Hey, show some love,

2009-07-26T12:10:00.001+08:00

you aint so tough.

Ohmans. I think I'm getting used to the ocassional depressionmoments that occur randomly throughout the day. The low mood, the reluctance to talk, opting to just phase away from the conversations lol.

Anyways I'm excused boots 84days from now hah. Booking in in civilian already woooo LOL :D.
Excused RMJ and PT for 84days too. I'm some super fragile soldier now hah. But I ain't no chaokeng yo.

Saw the LIVERPOOOOOOOOOOOL squad yesterday. Was surprised they'er staying at mandarinoriental, that's opposite where I'm stationed for NDP. LOL they were like just in front of me. Hey, c'mon the whole damn squad. But couldn't really recognize anyone leh. Except Babel(too black), Torres(golden locks), Kuyt(blonde), Riera(white face). But seriously is disappointed Gerrard couldn't come down here. ugh. I want to watch the match but can't arrrr.

I think I'm weird. I always have this weird feeling during NDP. Overwhelming patriotism? I feel this chill down my spine when I hear the National Anthem being played and the whole Marina Bay singing to it. The pledge too lols. It's so touching it can almost make one cry. I love my country, but not to that extent that I'm willing to exchange 2 years for it. Seriously hah.

And now I have to book in with a fever. Cus of some stupid policy that would make me seem stupid if i took MC. Trading MC days for off-days. Totally not worth it. Crazy place making people do shit even when sick.

Sucks to be me, I guess.

While B is for Bookout,

2009-07-21T11:10:00.004+08:00

B is also for Boring.

Ironically the bookout everyone has been longing for seemed pretty much boring for me. Thinking of the long train ride, the boring bus waits, the 'oops-sorry' moments when my fieldpack gets personal with others, the nuisance I'm causing to the public with the occasional bumps and knocks and the SAF stench we all bear.

But ohwells, it's still nice to come out of that dreaded place once in a while, feeling like a civilian just for that lil while.

I haven't been going out in a long while now. Not that I'm some homie now or that my mouth has been sewn up again. The crazy <24hrs bookout just restricts whatever I can/want to do. Talking about Restriction of Cadet Privileges as a punishment only if kena charged.

And sadly, I'm already listed under this group of black sheep. Sadly, genuine status cases are also assumed to be chaokengs, till proved otherwise.
Oh wells, sucks to be me then.

SAF makes you a boring person, there 4 paragraphs of SAF-related crap.

I haven't really had the time to fondle my bass for some time. I noticed that after realising a layer of dust on my wifezxz. Ohdamn.

What if I wanted to fight,

2009-07-19T11:00:00.002+08:00

Beg for the rest of my life.

Every Saturday truly is a different NDP experience(lol).
Had to go to some Sunshine factory to pack some bread, nvm not impt. On the bus back to Marina from the factory, there was this gigantic hornet/wasp thingy on the bus. Basically it was chaotic in the bus LOL.

Wasp > 15 SAF soldiers.

Running around in a damnsmall bus,
screams,
whacking it with fieldpacks, brooms, newspapers,
and a whole 15mins of chaosfun.
Thre you go, a bunch of BMT-trained soldiers getting owned by an insect. Sucks to be you civilians. HAH.

I am not your rolling wheels,

2009-07-14T14:27:00.001+08:00

I am the highway.

Up Up Up.
Upsoldiers.
Garangsoldiers.
Monosoldiers.

30SCEAlpha may not be a bad place afterall.

And srsly bookout's boring cus they only last a day or lesser.
Can't do much shat.
Well, I guess it's a sucks-to-be-me kinda thang.

4 more Nationalday parades to end all this.
Don't know why some people are green with envy we get to experience the parade 6 times.
A wholedamned 6 times.
It really isn't that great yar,

Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here,

2009-07-12T02:42:00.004+08:00

and I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere

Ohwells, been another crazy week in camp.
Hectic schedules, crazy quotas,
mad rushes,
shagged bodies,
blanked minds.

National Day seemed really cool previously, nice goodiebags, spectacular fireworks, neat marching contingents, great atmosphere.
But ohman when you're viewing it from back in the scenes, totally wow.
Though we get much much better views of the fireworks, and that's about all.

Happy 44th anyway.

And I gotta cut down on the profanities lols. Ohwells what to do when there's just so much to bitch about and that's the most effective (and humurous) way to do it with your section mates.

I think I'm depressed though. Medicine effectzxzxzxzz.

characterized by an all-encompassing low mood and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities

Good god.

I'm not sure what will become of me,

2009-07-07T02:27:00.003+08:00

and I seriously hope I can suppress this lol.

Anyways, same old meetups,
same old stuff we've been doing,
same old complaints,
same old empty wallet,
same old rushing around.
same old cab ridesssssszxzxz.

Gotta save up. For rainy day. Buy umbrella. If not wetwet.

I take back my previous line, I don't wan no religion.

2009-06-29T17:00:00.002+08:00

BECAUSE,

GOOD SHIT HAPPENS.
TWICE.

"Gents, Book-in has been changed to 0830hrs on Thursday 2nd July."

HAHAHAHAH

If more miracles like this happens, I'm considering a religion.

2009-06-29T00:27:00.002+08:00

Book-in changed to TMR 2000hrs.
Ecstatic after I received the call hahaa but was so afraid it was some sabotage LOL. Called Alpha office, Sectcomm, buddy after buddy, and finally confirmed it.
Only received the call on the train ride though. JUMPED off the train at Bedok,
hopped on the other direction, and PIA home.
Met up with zbg(half) after that though lol.
Arcade,dinna,whatsoever.

Nice first bookout lol. Had like almost 4days free.

Need more of thiszxzxzxzxz.

Seriously,

2009-06-28T15:27:00.004+08:00

My book in timing is 8pm and I have to leave house at 5+.
Jurong Camp FTL.

Days fly past really fast ~~nowadays~~ on weekends,
and crawl like a snail with a limp, in camp.
Transport takes up like most of my time lah. Some more no iPod allowed in camp. Just makes the time spent on the train so much more interesting. And now all my Saturdays are burnt until NDP. Okay, you pay us back with Tuesdays but seriously, that's just gonna waste more time on transport.
And Tuesdays are boring, including Tuesdays with Morrie(funnynot).

/endofwhine

Pretty much realised I'm in some money deepshit now.
Totally in need of moolah.

Weekends seriously pretty much flew past.
K-ed for the 3124134th time on weekends at suntec,
and lol.
'Even if you're 30+ or 40+, if you still have your student card, we will still recognize you as a student'
So basically I wasn't deemed as a student even though I was with 3 students.
And an old dad with a student card can be considered one.
Weird places with weirder rules.

Anyways, RIP Mike,
brought pretty much nice songs to this planet,
but you were portrayed by the media in the ugliest ways and scandalous shitzxzxz stuck on to you,
and I chose to follow the media.
Pedophilia is just not my thing, so RIP.

Of spaceshots, crazy uncles, ahbrowns, giraffes, and basketball.

2009-06-20T12:55:00.006+08:00

Long waits,

Crazy lunchtimes,

Themepark madness,

Arrows that respawn,

Then a bear named ahbrown came into the picture,

SPACESHOT.

Hanging around till we got almost locked in the theme park,

Funny(not) movie on OSIM chairs,

Snowworld/Korea whichever you prefer,

Large K rooms,

The machine we spend all day at,

Amazingly long cable car rides,

Giraffes.

Genting,

2009-06-15T04:54:00.001+08:00

Till Thursday!

Blank, blank

2009-06-13T23:43:00.005+08:00

My mind's in a blank lately.
Nothing's flowing through my mind,
good/bad thing.

Totally.

Went fareast today.
Wtheck dunno why so long nv go it's like a goddang boring place now already.
But as mentioned by nyo, everything has gone up one level already.

Topman's like low-end now,
FredPerry/Abercrombie's like low-mid end,
A|X's like mid-end clothing now.

I wonder where everyone gets their money from.

Explains everything, hopefully.

Complains about crisis,
blahblah, no money, unemployment.
When the IT fair comes,
people rush there like there's some huge discounts on items,
when its just some cheapo freebies.
People wheeling huge TVs home.

Totally looking like a crisis, seriously.

I seriously need new shoes.

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life.

2009-06-12T12:10:00.002+08:00

11 days ain't long 'nuff I guess.

POP Goes The Weasel,

2009-06-11T00:26:00.004+08:00

Retards who pulled through with me in the tough 9 weeks. Kudos!

And really, really thanks for coming ah zbg! <3. Hah :D

And of cus, the ones giving me moral support, my dear parents :D

POP day!
BMT is officially over.
And I certainly think I'll miss Tekong.
The sergeants, officers,
jokes, fun, laughter, lepak-ing,

Sorry anyways, haven't been meeting up with anyone/everyone.
Became so much more of a homie now,
I miss home so much, sometimes I just want to stay home and enjoy it.
Sometimes I'm just too tired to move, and would definitely stay within my comfort zone, literally.

Genting next week. woooha.

And whatdadoop SingFest2009 is cancelled?!

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn,

2009-06-06T19:29:00.003+08:00

Boy am I gonna miss companyline.
Ironic, since I want to POP so badly.
But oh well, thinking about how I'm never gonna have half naked retards waking me up in the morning,
ChaoKengKings reporting sick with me during PT,
crazy mealtimes with only 15mins to rush through hella lotta food,
sergeants talking cock with you,
officers pumping you for the funniest reasons,

It does make me tingle, this feeling.
But ohwells, pity/luckily it only lasted 9weeks.

I haven't really spent time with my family these past weeks.
Not talking about weekdays cus I wouldn't have been able to except AWOL-ing,

Yay can grow hair liao. Woo.

I just received the ugliest EZ-link card ever and I'm reluctant to use it.

It's June! Where students have a MONTH-LONG holiday. And me, only 10days. wtheck.

I seriously need some moolah.

I'm afraid I lose my jockey cap during POP when throwing it up in the sky.
Throw got feel.
Never throw no feel.
Throw may get missing.
Never throw won't get missing.
I alr know some bastards planning to kope other people's jockey caps liao LOL >:)

I'm like working in point form again.

I think I'm the only guy in the 21st century with no aircon in my room,
but I'm not complaining. I have 2fans blowing straight at me.

Hot girls performed during REC's evening.
Guess what,
They did NOBODY by WONDERGIRLS.
HELLA HOT. HAHAHA >:X
and lotsa other hot performances.
Seriously if only it was held weekly.
Life would be so much greater.

Realized I don't really have plans. That don't concern monetary issues.

Crossing my fingers for SingFest2009.
Placebo's already confirmed!yay
I want TheCardigans!
JimmyEatWorld!
Alesana!
BarenakedLadies!
DeathCabForCutie!
Weezer!
and alot of other unrealistic bands.
Definitely getting the 2-day tickets this time.
Take leave, AWOL, whatever.
I'm GOING.

Oh damn I really would die to see The Cardigans live.

Isn't she just pretty lol.

3more days POP LOH.
yay.
Then its Genting/KL with ZBG. fingers crossed.

When the cold wind blows,

A dreamer dreams, she never dies.

2009-05-31T14:47:00.004+08:00

Ugh.

I want a StingRay.
I want a 32gb iTouch.
I want new loafers.
I want new clothes.
I want an acoustic bass.

I want this, that.
Like $400's gonna satisfy me.

And I'm certified medically unfit for command school.
I'm stuck with lowly pay for the rest of 2 years.
Good thing, bad thing.

Seriously I just want this to end.
ORD: MARCH2011.
Goddammit,
I'm not even 10% through.

EDIT:
I just realised that time actually flies pretty fast.
My post written on first bookout is still on the front page.
Hahah. But ohwells. Things only seem to go by fast when you LOOK BACK at them.
When you're in it they're as slow as hell.

Pinch Me

2009-05-30T19:03:00.002+08:00

It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone, then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.
Take your time the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
Realize that a guy my size might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.
Pinch Me
Pinch Me
Cos I'm still asleep.
Please God
Tell Me
That I'm still asleep

There are many interesting personalities I've met in army.
Some just make me realise how immature I am,
some make me realise how shallow I actually am,
some just make me feel like an ethic-less moron.

Oh well, self-reflections.
You reflect, then you forget everything the next day.

Give me 3 months.

2009-05-29T23:20:00.001+08:00

No time to do shit nowadays.

Cry,

2009-05-17T00:33:00.002+08:00

I haven't shed a genuine tear in ages.

Field camp;
made me realise how frail we all are,
made me realise how important my family is to me,
made me realise how much my family cares for me, how much I love them,
made me realise we can all push beyond our limits,

made me realise so much more.

My skin condition got really bad over the 6 days,
so bad that even the OC knew who I was already.
'Eh peeling boy!'
But urgh, pulled through.
And I am truly proud I did.

Book out, book in,
with a span lesser than 24hours.
Oh boy, at least now I don't mind booking in,
as long as it's the BUNK.
I miss my bunk sooo much.
I truly do. HAHA

Urgh.

2009-05-10T01:44:00.002+08:00

Time flies, flies, flies.

Oh booking in again.
This brainless whining every saturday night has become sort of some routine,
about how much I'm gonna miss my bolster,
about how tonight will be the last night I'll be sleeping on my bed for the week,
about how much I'm gonna miss civilian stuff for the next week.

Do you have to let it linger?

Oh pretty song. hahs

and yes, $400 ain't enough for no shit.
Oh wells, 2words;
suck thumb.

Always,

2009-05-09T00:59:00.003+08:00

things start out well.
You start to think about how things'll turn out in the end.
You picture scenarios in your mind,
good ones,
bad ones, but coupled with seemingly perfect solutions.
You think, this is it.
It's gonna be the coolest thing that's gonna happen.
Going to bed with such high hopes,
setting for yourself a target.

When day arrives, waking up from that deep slumber,
you think that whatever you thought about last night was crap,
and starts to scrape off the plan.

Urgh whatever.

2nd bookout.
Still blabbering about army stuff.
Srsly there's nothing to talk about besides that.

And my subwoofer boomed and burnt out.
Now my speakers have no bass.
C-U-I.

Bookin's gna be field camp. Hopefully it'll turn out great, though theres a 101% chance that it won't be.

Halfway through BMT.
Pull through, pull through.

And seriously I have to stop daydreaming.
It's using too much of my idle brain.
I'd rather remain idle.
Straining.

Weather's been horrible.
Just by holding a thermometer in the air shows a temperature HIGHER than
36.9
Everyone's cooked.

Mosquito bites all over my legs.
Sleeping topless every night but no bites on my body.
There's like 20+ on each leg.
I don't get it.

Realize, Real lies, Real eyes.
totally different meanings.
damn cool.

My brain's so shagged it's thinking in point form.
How convenient.

Ciao.

In the blink of an eye,

2009-05-03T02:32:00.003+08:00

4days are over now.
Just when I thought I had alot of time to enjoy,
to catch up,
to rest,
holy no. Time flew off just like that.

This is like the longest break before block leave, and boy was it short.
Wednesday night met up with zbg,
Thursday went town for dunno what, then headed to hollandv to attend ws' grandad's wake.
Friday caught Xmen! Pretty decent movie hahs.
Saturday went to K, chill, watched Boro getting owned by manutd, milktea.
And goddang, I'm left with Sunday already.
Hello book-in day, Goodbye longest break.

I haven't bought my stuff, packed my field pack,
and lots lots lots.

As the song goes,
I don't wanna lead an army life.

I miss the world,

2009-04-30T02:25:00.002+08:00

and the world misses me!
Admit it hahs.

Missed out quite some bit of stuffs, be it the manymany exciting matches,
the crazy epidemic happening all over the world now,
or even little things like new songs coming out.

Going to have a long break this week, thankfully.
Lots to catch up on, lots to talk about,
though they are just army stuffs that noone really wants to listen to.
But I just really want to blabber and blabber away.
:D

I miss my family, my house, friends.
Have to start learning how to appreciate little things all around me now,
now that I know how important they are to me.
They bring me support, show me concern,
and that feeling of home.

Other than having to manage my money well,
now I have another thing to manage; time.
Lots of things to do, short amount of time I have.
If they say that I have become a more matured person,
definitely it was a forced process, but at least I did change;
Maybe not.

I MISS THE WORLD.

Looking back.

2009-04-13T00:12:00.010+08:00

Hooray, it's past 12am.
It's 13th of April.

And I'm enlisting tomorrow.

Feels like there's so much more stuff that's not done,
so many more people I haven't caught up with enough,
so many things I haven't told so many people,
so little time for me to do so many things.

It has been great these past(last) few months.
Catching up with many people,
zuoboing with the zuobos.

Going to Batam after booking the trip only one day before,

Going to Sentosa on a late rainy afternoon,

Stupidest faces at the back where noone can see us,

Having fun with loads of plushies,

Doing the stupidest things as always,

Taking results, going to open houses even though we belong to different colleges,

Ice cream attempts always when they are about to close,

Lying down and sleeping overnight on a BEACH,

Barbequeing with lazy people,

Blading, or say Falling,

Mahjong every now and then,

and of course K sessions as and when,

And of course, certainly not forgetting Kok, bestest talkcock mate ever

Soccer whenever we're free,

Photos whenever we're free too,

And boonkai, whenever he's free!

And to us, hoping to keep in touch for much much longer,

Ain't anything epic here,
just that I'll have much lesser time after enlistment.
No more time for shitzuoboing like this, waking up late sleeping late,
listening to songs, youtubing till the wee hours,
dota, skyping, or whatever till dawn,

Oh, and not to forget I'd not probably get a chance to do all these in the future ever again.
School, work,
And apologies to myself, I didn't cherish these 6months enough.
God bless.

Weather, weather.

2009-04-08T10:32:00.002+08:00

How bad can the weather be man.
I sweat while sleeping.
I sweat while sitting down here in front of the computer.
And when it rains, hooray, I'd still be perspiring.

Enlistment;
a short(very) haircut would be great for weather like this,
not spend too much (I suppose)

missing out on champsleague all the way,
having no time for friends,
bass,

pretty much sums it up.
It's still something epic.

Ohman.

2009-04-05T00:17:00.002+08:00

Watched Shinjuku Incident yesterday at kallangleisurepark.
The ulu-est place ever.
With the ulu-est buses ever.
Pretty nice movie, but nothing more than that lol.
Nothing lingers in one's mind after the movie,
just that the action got me constantly engaged during the whole course of the movie, nothing else.

Woke up EARLY today for SMU interview.
for the School of Social Sciences.
Urm, I dunno.
Pretty bad unless the interviewers can take frank blunt answers.
HAHAHAHAA of zero importance anyways.
Not that I don't care.

Then went to plazasing macs to eat breakfast,
fell asleep,
headed to dhoby MRT to sleep,
then woke up,
met weisong,
went vivo outside daiso to sleep -.-

but anyways,
went to sentosa!
reached at near 3. HAHAHA.
But okay lah,
no glaring sun, no bright irritating sun.
Same old volleyball,
in-and-out-of-water,
cloud/stargazing.
and zuoboing.
and eating at food republic (LOL)
Hahahaha.
Enjoyed myself today at least :D

Enlisting soon! 10days! or issit 9?
heck.
Less than 2 weeks!

If only,

2009-04-03T01:28:00.002+08:00

The world would be a better place.

Hahaha. Lazed around too much.
It's April already, and enlisting soon.
Just now someone still asked me when I'm enlisting and I answered,
'14th of the month, oh wait, this month.'

Whoever gave time wings,
and not legs so that it would crawl instead of fly.

And yah, over hyping-up the whole enlistment thing,
it's not that bad either ya?

Somehow, I have the urge to cut botak ASAP.
Weather's hot. Hair's long and thick.
Equals to not good.

If only

2009-04-01T23:10:00.002+08:00

The world would be a better place.

I even used my limited ed. $20SGD note today.
Desperate to the max.

Anw April Fools' was boring this year.
ohman.

2009-03-28T12:02:00.002+08:00

Movies, dinners,
Ezlink topups.

Application fees, online shopping,
lesson fees.

More time, hoping to earn some money.
More money, hoping to buy some time.